How to Start a Fight, or, The Death of Manners

This is going to sound a little personal - and it is - but real life is full of writing lessons. This one is: Reflect on real-life experiences to make your writing stronger and more real.

There are a few topics that were once considered taboo in polite dinner conversation; among them, Religion and Politics. I wish they still were. By everyone, but especially by my extended family.

Not recently, but in the not too distant past, our extended family (DH's side) was dining out together at a fine-dining restaurant - a rare occasion - and the talk turned to politics. DH and I are of a political persuasion at odds with the rest of the family's, so my immediate hope was that DH would not take the bait and respond to 'the other side's' provocative remark. Silly me, I should have known better.

I tried, truly I did, to say nothing, and to encourage DH likewise. But this family is one of strong wills and stronger opinions (however misguided {g}), and they are not inclined to keep their opinions to themselves. If necessary, they gang up on the person(s) they perceive as "wrong" and, as a last ditch effort, revert to the "loudest opinion wins" philosophy. It seemed they felt it necessary that day (DH provided a good argument for 'our side'). Well, the ganging up ensued, but thank God, it didn't get loud.

I tried to deflect the topic to safer ground (and failed) and in the interest of not causing a public row, just made "the face" at DH to let them rant and rave as there is no point trying to make them "think" about what they are spouting. From that point, I simply kept my mouth shut and said nothing to any of them. I started talking to DH quite deliberately about some topic altogether different. I got some looks from the others sitting nearby, but gradually, they got the hint and that topic of discussion died.

By that time, I felt as if we had been personally attacked and I was thoroughly pissed off with the whole bunch of them. I was prepared to get up and leave and they could all f* off and die, for all I cared. Bearing in mind that most of the time they are wonderful, loving people whom I love. But apparently, politics turns them into mindless, ravening beasts. (Maybe it's just a wee bit of a hot button for DH and me as well. {g})

In any case, I stuffed my rage, got indigestion and a headache, and had a thoroughly rotten evening. DH and I left first after dessert was finished and spoke about cutting ties with them all on the way home. We decided, nah, we're all just pissed off and caught up in the emotions provoked by having our strong beliefs attacked. So we got over it.

Now, the moral of this little story, writers, is that it doesn't take all that much to start a war. Strong emotions, strong beliefs, an unwillingness to settle, and an incautious tongue are four volatile ingredients that can explode into unintended consequences.

It just so happens that DH and I care enough about maintaining family ties to have not acted on our initial impulses. Remember that, the next time you (or your characters) sit down to dinner, particularly if it's with someone you love less than you love your family. Use the What If... technique with your characters. What if they all thought they were sitting down to an innocuous social dinner and Someone said something extremely inflammatory, not knowing that Someone Else had Serious Reason to Object, and ... well, you know what to do. ;)